The best solution to the debate on torture is so stop, then release all photos and documents. Secrecy fuels the controversy. We need to remove this distraction so that the nation can resume debate on more important topics, such as celebrity breast implants.
General Motors is closing 1,100 dealerships around the country. You know what this means? We're finally going to see a legitimate going out of business sale.
Vice President Joe Biden's lips are on the loose again. Talking to companions at the Gridiron Dinner, the vice president may have revealed the location of the vice president's secret bunker - reportedly where Dick Cheney holed up during the 9-11 attacks. Biden said the room was full of radio equipment, a EKG machine and Cheney's coffin.
Speaking at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, President Obama said that Biden is like a cuddly puppy that needs a tight leash. Obama's got the new White House dog, Bo, trained, but Biden is still leaking all over the place.
Maybe Obama should switch from a leash to a shock collar.
About this torture deal. If you want to get the detainees to talk, don't waterboard them. Beer bong them. Think about it: how many secrets have you spilled while you're drunk? I've been so drunk that I've taken credit for 9-11.
You know I'm right. Take these guys to a strip club and starting doing shooters. They'll talk. Obama won't have any problems releasing those torture photos. He could probably sell them to Hustler.
If you really want to terrorize the terrorists, buy them a lap dance from Nancy Pelosi.
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