Iron Horse Plaza, Dec. 13 2008

We played our third shopping mall gig of the year on Saturday. The last two were at The Fountains in Roseville this summer. We played near the dancing fountain and light show. The fountain drew a bigger crowd than we did both times, although we did better the second time. Drew seemed awe-stricken by the experience. "I can't believe I'm playing at a fucking shopping mall," he kept saying over and over as we set up, stunned by how far he's come in such a short time.

Yesterday's gig was a promotion at Iron Horse Plaza in Danville. The usual stuff: raffles, gourmet food samples, free blood pressure checks.

The center's layout didn't leave much room for the band. The result was one of the most surreal gigs we've yet played. We set up under a tent in, yes, the shopping cart return area of the grocery store. We literally played under the sign that said "Return Carts Here." The band faced, not the parking lot, but the two lane main entrance to the plaza. Cars drove back in forth inches in front of us all day. Drew near passed out from belting out tunes while bathed in exhaust fumes from the cars and from the gas-powered generator running our rig. We had a video guy with us shooting some promotional footage for our website. He described the visuals as "extremely surreal." Grumpy shoppers with cart loads of groceries had to get back to their cars by squeezing between the bellowing PA columns and subwoofers and the the main traffic artery. I could have reached out and lifted loaves of bread and cartons of eggs right out of their bags, they were so close. People winced and tried to plug their ears.

Some players might let a gig like this destroy their morale. They might even give up! It is hard to believe how far short of rock glamor we fall by playing in a bush league band like KDOG. But, like Tommy always says: "What - and quit show business?"

Other highlights of another incredibly day in rock and roll:

• The band, plus Philip, gathered at my house to load up at the non-rockin' hour of 8 a.m.
• We didn't forget anything. But I did have to buy duct tape at the grocery store.
• Drew lost his book of lyric cheat sheets. This forced him to wing it. He didn't get all the words right. But singing without a music stand looks more rock and roll. Reading lyrics off the stand makes you look like you're delivering a talk to the Rotary Club.
• The mall's owner - and a client of Kenton's - was a genial fellow named Don. Don's company owns 50 malls and shopping centers. He is not a man who sleeps well of late.  
• We experienced a short rain delay. About half the gear, including the sound board and power array, got covered with raindrops, despite the tent. "This is how I want to go," I said. "Fried like bacon in the shopping cart return area of a grocery store."
• I made an extra 50 bucks as emcee for a stupid pet tricks contest. Two of the judges were members of The Oakland Raiderettes, who I kept referring to as "The Raisinettes." (Amusing quip I kept to myself due to rampant family ambiance: "I LOVE to eat Raisinettes!") The grand prize was a year's worth of dog food. "There is a catch," I told the winner. "No matter how tough things get in this economy, this food is only for your dog, got it?"
• Unloading the gear later, Philip complimented the band for self-control of our sound and showmanship. "I didn't feel the need to set at the board constantly making adjustments," he said. You were all self-regulating." He noted that the lack of fooling around between songs "really helped" the presentation. "You're making it look much easier."
• Risking my life by stepping into the traffic lanes, I stepped out in front of the so-called stage to check the sound and balance.  It sounded good! On stage, I can never really tell what's going on. It's like the fog of war: you don't know what's going on when you're in the middle of it.
• It was my turn to screw up "Bad Little Doggie." I missed one of the transitional riffs in the middle. Nobody noticed. They were in their cars. 
• After unloading a 6:30 p.m., Philip and I hustled to St. John's. We're in a little choir that's singing at the "Candles and Carols" concert on Sunday. The Long-Suffering Mrs. Chance was there too. We rehearsed our two big numbers for a small group of people who wandered in for the church's Second Saturday open house. We then sang Christmas carols by request for an hour. I tried to sight-read the bass harmony parts. I sounded sort of like a foghorn with a dead goose stuck in it. Ah, music!
• The KFOG radio promotion guy said he liked the band and wanted us to play some KFOG events in San Francisco this summer, since our playlist lines up with KFOG play list. We'll see if this actually happens. It's hard to imagine that a San Francisco radio station would have to import a band from Sacramento to nail a classic rock vibe. Maybe it's KDOG every day low pricing policy. The poetic synergy between "KDOG" and "KFOG" may help. What better name for the radio station house band. We'd be just like "The Shindogs" - the great house band on the 60s TV show Shindig, led by the legendary guitarist James Burton. 
• A live recording a KDOG did supply the music track for the radio spots promoting the Iron Horse event throughout the Bay Area on KFOG. I guess that's sort of a wow. 
• People did seem to like the band, even though they couldn't get near the stage without getting flattened by the luxury sedans streaming in and out of the parking lot all day. Of course, nobody danced. Even with the free wine samples, nobody danced. People just can't seem to achieve the condition of "boogie fever" in a shopping cart return area. 
• Nick continues to attract nutty older chicks. During one break, I found him at the win table with a 60ish lady who threw a fit when she was refused a cup of wine because she didn't have a wrist band. She started ranting about "living in police state" where you can't even get a glass of wine without following all kinds of fascistic wristband rules. Nick made Drew give this suburban Fidel Castro his wrist band. The people at the wine table poured her a plastic cup of wine, which she poured on the ground because she forgot that her doctor told her not to drink wine. 

  ©2008 Edward Dean Chance. All Rights Reserved. (Is this mumbo jumbo even necessary?) Check out the offical KDOG website.