Way Down Upon The Swabbie's River

The first official nighttime gig at Swabbie's on the River was extremely successful - provided that you're not too picky about what constitutes extremely successful.
People are always giving PowerPoint presentations about excellence, but frankly I'd advise setting the bar low for your band. That way, the path to improvement is broad, firm and gently sloping.
Excellence takes time, it costs a lot of money and you have to be picky about who you let into the band. Mediocrity - which is defined as a "consistently low level of excellence" - is quicker, cheaper and there are more people who can deliver it.
Also, "KDOG: A Consistently Low Level of Excellence" would be an excellent band t-shirt. My other band t-shirt idea is "KDOG: Affordable Musical Entertainment for the Enormous Squatting Masses."
I discovered the phrase "enormous squatting masses" in a book on primate research. I am reading a lot of books about chimps in order to better understand the dynamics of the all-male rock band and the behaviors of its members.
I can't go into the details here, but I will say this: once you understand sperm competition and the male dominance hierarchy of chimpanzee society, the behavior of your drummer will suddenly make a lot more sense.
I hate hippies and I especially hate Woodstock, but I have to agree with Drew: "The Brown Acid is not Specifically Too Good" would also be a good t-shirt.
Points of interest:
• The I-5 closure meant that it took Drew and me 45 minutes to get the mini-van full of gear to Swabbie's.
• When we go there, Kenton's drums were almost completely set up! He had two people to help, plus he finally brought a sensible amount of equipment.
• Kenton drank beer. This is only remarkable because Kenton announced on Monday that he was quitting drinking for a year on his 57th birthday, which was on Tuesday. "I'm going to spend my 57th year alcohol free," he said. "Dean inspired me." (I quit drinking more than a year ago.) Friday before the gig, he came up to me, took a big hit off a bottle of Red Stripe and said, "Well, that lasted about 24 hours." One of Kenton's advertising clients had gone berserk and fired him for no good reason, creating a lot of stress.
• Nick blew his back out the day before. He could barely get in or out of bed. He couldn't carry anything and had to sit on a stool for the whole show. Actually, Kenton can't do any lifting, either. His bum shoulder can't take the strain. Our two-person "road crew" isn't a luxury - it's a medical necessity. I wonder if Blue Cross would pay for them. They're sort of like home care nurses. Or hospice professionals.
• The band, Philip the Swiss German Sound Man and the road crew set a new bar and food tab record for the year, beating out all other bands with a total of $158. That seems low for a record price.
• We got a good crowd of KDOG supporters, plus some new fans. The fact that Swabbie's is an all-ages place really helps. We actually earned enough cash to pay the sound and road crew. Yes, we are finally getting our price UP to free.
• We screwed up "You Don't Love Me Again." That's the last time. I've banned the song from our repertoire. There's a two break in the middle of each verse. During the guitar solo, we get lost. Everybody stops at a different time. I kept my emotions under control. Wrong reaction: "I am surrounded by idiots." Right reaction: "We meant to do that!"
• I unveiled an effective, cheap and easy gimmick: beer bottle slide. During "La Grange" I played slide with a full beer bottle. I let it foam all over the guitar. Then I poured the remaining beer all over the neck, grabbed a dry towel and continued playing while wiping off the beer. You just fret the notes through the towel. (It needs to be thin, like a tea towel, a shop rag or a cheap washcloth.) It's a not that tough, but it looks neat. I saw Danny Gatton do this on a YouTube video the day before the gig. I thought I'd try it. I don't have his facility, of course, but I pulled it off well enough.
• Kenton played very well. Nick was happy with harp sound. Drew got lost in the middle of "Cinnamon Girl." I blew a few riffs in "Bad Little Doggie." Big deal. We've finally learned the most important show business rule: never act like anything is wrong. Even if everyone is playing in a different key, just keep acting like you're having the time of your life. It works.
• Philip made a recording straight from our new firewire equipped digital mixing board. (That was another $800.) I haven't heard it yet. I'm not sure I want to. It's like weighing yourself on an accurate scale at the doctor's office. The reality never matches up with your imaginary body image. I'm hoping for a consistently low level of excellence.

Comments

[Annie Burns]

when are you playing at Swabbies again? we have to see Nickie!!!

annie and julie